Stop Motion Animation – ICK

I’ve been watching stop motion animation films since I was a kid, and it dawned on me recently that there isn’t a single stop-mo film that I actually like.

The work that goes into stop motion is incredible. It’s admirable that someone would do it. But it always turns out, in one word… creepy. The choppy movements are something out of a nightmare. Is it a coincidence that so many ‘dark’ and ‘scary’ scripts, such as Coraline, Nightmare Before Christmas, Tool’s Sober video, and others use stop motion? If anything, stop motion should only be used for relatively ‘scary’ films.

Anyway, there are many people who LOVE stop motion and I won’t fault them for it, but I just had to vent that many people also HATE IT.

My article, “Stop Motion Animation Sucks,” was submitted to Digg. I rolled my eyes. I knew that if it somehow got popular, I’d get destroyed in the comments, and it would be buried off the front page. I was correct.

The funny thing to me was that most of the comments simply disagreed, along with calling me a bad name. No one offered any clear reason that it is ‘cool,’ or ‘awesome,’ and said that my calling it ‘creepy’ was just my opinion. No duh. Even better, some people linked to ‘artistic’ stop motion videos and said something along the lines of, “If you think stop motion sucks then obviously you haven’t seen this.” Then I watched some of the weirdest, creepiest animation I’ve ever seen in their linked video. Even other users replied and said “What the f@$# did I just watch?” And yes, other users agreed with me that it sucks, but it’s always the haters who are more vocal.

So there you have it. Some people love stop motion, and others think it is virtually unwatchable. I speak for the later. But I’ll keep watching it, as I always have, in hopes that one day, someone actually gets a good script and doesn’t make the characters look like a walking turd.

Stop Motion Animation Is Creepy

A plea to filmmakers out there: stop making stop motion animated films. They are creepy. The stories are awful. They scare children, who are initially attracted to these films because of the animation, only to later have nightmares about a choppily-moving pumpkin-headed creep of a character with jagged-edged hands and unnatural flexibility.

Relative to other types of animation, there haven’t been that many stop motion animated films (only 11 full-length ones made in the past decade in the US), because they are costly and time-consuming to produce, and they generally don’t make anywhere near the amount of money other animated films make. Otherwise, studios would churn out more of these films, don’t you think? Would Shrek be the success it is today had it been made in stop motion animation? Not a chance. It would’ve made half its revenue (which would still be considered a success) and not been green-lit for three sequels. Imagine any of the Pixar films as stop motion animation. They would NOT have been as good, nor would they have made as much money, whether critics liked them or not.

Tim Burton realized stop motion animation is creepy enough to compliment his already dark and murky filmmaking style, so he embraced it. For Burton, it worked, and he made the ‘classic’ Nightmare Before Christmas, which found a huge cult following of people who cut themselves. He followed that up with Corpse Bride. Then came the equally creepy Coraline (which was Burtonesque but not his film), which sent kids screaming out of the theaters (and became a hit due to the 3-D). So, three highly successful stop motion animated films are dark and disturbing (keep on the lookout for Burton’s Frankenweenie which is destined to be in this same mix), which lends well to the argument that stop motion animation in general has a creep-factor about it.

Chicken Run was a cute film about a farm where they kill chickens. It made lots of money. But I’d bet my bottom dollar that if it used computer-generated animation, and didn’t have the boring British voices (or Mel Gibson) in it, far more people would’ve seen it. Wes Anderson lovers ate up Fantastic Mr. Fox, but the movie-going public didn’t, and it barely regained its budget at the box office. Quite a gamble to give an acquired-taste director a shot at directing an offbeat stop motion animated film meant for adults. Let’s see Anderson get the budget to make another one for his hipster fans.

Stop motion animation lovers who are appalled by these arguments should answer these questions: If stop motion animation is so good, then why aren’t there more of them being made, as opposed to traditional or computer animation? Why are there so many ‘scary’ ones made that aren’t meant for children? If stop motion animation, which has been around since the 1920s, is so good, then why hasn’t there been a billion-dollar franchise yet, like Pixar did in just a couple of decades?

While it’s true the amount of money a film makes doesn’t necessarily reflect its quality, it’s fairly typical in the world of animation that the good films make money and have merchandise that children demand. Way too much time and effort goes into production of these only to turn out a film that is loved by the critics but ignored by the public. So after years of analysis and being creeped out by these films, I can only conclude that stop motion animation sucks in general.

My mother brought me to the theater to see this when I was a kid. I would much rather have seen Bambi’s mother get shot or the wicked queen try to poison Snow White.

Iron Maiden Still Rocking the Crowds

Iron Maiden stormed into Bristow, Virginia on Tuesday for the third time in the past six years, and as usual, a large, rabid crowd followed. Times have changed a bit since those earlier concerts. Gone are the lighters in the darkened theater, which have been replaced with the audience holding up cell phone cameras. And we didn’t hear mainly the same songs that made them famous in the 80s – most of the show was focused on the albums from the last decade. When they asked who was attending their first Maiden concert, at least half the fans put their hands up. Not bad for a band that formed in 1975.

Bruce Dickinson, 51, wore a “Psych Ward” T-Shirt and was jumping around the stage like Dwyane Wade with a mic. A different stage-length flag of Maidenesque artwork appeared for each song. A ten-foot Eddie came lumbering out during Iron Maiden. The devil made an appearance during Number of the Beast. The stage was set up like some space-themed fun house.

They opened with Wicker Man, and also from Brave New World played the title track, Ghost of Navigator, and Blood Brothers – which Dickinson dedicated to Ronnie James Dio. With the new album, The Final Frontier, coming out in August, they delighted the crowd with the already released El Dorado. From Dance of Death, they played the title track, Wildest Dreams, and No More Lies. And from A Matter of Life and Death they played The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg and These Colours Don’t Run. Mixed in with the relatively new music, oddly enough, was Wrathchild (1981), a song that was older than more than half the audience. But I’m fairly certain they all recognized Fear of the Dark and Hallowed Be Thy Name, which they played later in the show.

The one odd thing that happened all night was that the closed with Running Free, ten minutes before 11 p.m., and seemed prime to close it off with Run to the Hills. The band left the stage and the lights remained off in the seating area, so most people stayed, cheering for more, but it didn’t happen. No matter. We’ve heard Run to the Hills a million times. But we have not seen a show like that one before.

May Iron Maiden be around for many more years to come.

A 'Featured' Amazon Merchant

I would like to congratulate myself for getting promoted to a ‘featured’ merchant on Amazon.com. I’m unclear how I did it but I can assume it’s because they think I’m totally awesome and cool and everyone likes me.

Okay, but realistically, I’m guessing I got ‘promoted’ because I sold enough stuff without any demerits and made them tons of cash for doing nothing for a year. What’s weird, though, is that I’m now in the same spot with actual retail merchants who sell things for a living, and not on the side like me.

So check out my Morgul Lord Witch King listing and see my cat and dog (RIP) logo well above everyone else’s. Yeah, obviously they did this cause they think I’m super cool.

What Next, a Hitler Statue?

I’m a huge fan of Sideshow Collectibles, which makes relatively affordable, high-quality statues of pop-culture figures, but its most recent addition baffles me. It’s a German paratrooper from World War II’s Battle of Crete.

Seriously, a statue of a Nazi? I understand adding evil fictional characters, such as Darth Vader, to your statue collection. Or even real killers that became famous due to folklore, such as Vlad the Impaler or Billy the Kid. But a Nazi? Seriously, too soon.

Sideshow, why would you do this? I still like you too much to abandon you, but I really want an explanation as to why you think it’s appropriate to make a statue of a Nazi. I’d rather throw out $325.

Here’s what you have to say about this:

The Battle of Crete: German Paratrooper Premium Format figure is a stunning 1:4 scale museum quality piece, celebrating the determination and spirit of the soldiers of the Second World War.

…the Battle of Crete: German Paratrooper Premium Format Figure is an outstanding addition to any display, a true tribute to the heroes of World War II.

Celebrating the determination and spirit of the soldiers? A true tribute to heroes?

Am I missing something here? Is this serious?