Trimeresurus flavoviridis or Habu pitviper (Wikimedia Commons)
I suppose it’s a miracle that both my grandfathers, serving in different parts of the world, survived World War II. While my paternal grandfather described his entire experience as ‘marching around Europe with a bayonet,’ my maternal grandfather, Albert Owens, opens up a bit more.
Now 85, he tells the story of his time in Okinawa as if it were yesterday. A marine at 17, he was wounded in 1945 at the age of 19.
Asleep in a pit, he says he felt something on him. He tried to brush it off, looked up, and felt as if he were punched in the face. He got up and left the hole, and told the others that ‘something funny was going on down in that hole.’ He thought it was a toad.
At this point, he couldn’t see out of his right eye. Someone shone a flashlight into the hole, saw a snake, and shot its head off.
The doctor couldn’t save my grandfather’s eye, and had to remove it before there were problems with the other one. He now has a glass eye.
The snake, which was poisonous, sank its fangs directly into my grandfather’s eyeball. Direct hit. Believe it or not, that likely saved his life because the blood vessels in the eye don’t lead out (I’m not exactly sure how it works but you get the idea). Had the snakebite happened on the eyelid, or the cheek, or the forehead, my grandfather might have died right there in that pit, he wouldn’t have gotten married and had kids and I wouldn’t be here today (because, you know, it’s all about me, haha.)
The snake was an Okinawan habu, and there was a farm nearby which collected them. He didn’t know why, nor did he care. But the Internet tells me why:
“On the island of Okinawa, this species is heavily collected, primarily for use in habu sake. Actually not sake, but a stronger liquor called awamori, it is alleged to have medicinal properties. The production includes the snakes in the fermentation process and it is sold in bottles that may or may not contain the body of a snake.“
That better be some good liquor.
My grandfather also tells me what he was doing just a day or two before he was blinded in his right eye for life. He was hunting a chicken.
South Park’s Eric Cartman is the most evil fictional character of all time. He hasn’t a single redeeming value, other than he makes us laugh at him. There’s no better way to measure evil than to match each of Dante’s seven deadly sins with his everyday actions.
luxuria (lechery/lust)
As a seven-year old, Cartman has yet to discover women. But lust isn’t just about sexual desires. Anything can be an object of our lust.
However, he has been caught doing things that could be considered lustful.
gula (gluttony)
Being the ‘big boned’ boy of South Park, gluttony is the worst of Cartman’s sins, particularly with cheesy poofs, pie, and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
avaritia (avarice/greed)
Cartman is very motivated by greed, and nothing will stop him from obtaining his prize. His plan of choice? Cheating.
acedia (acedia/discouragement/sloth)
Cartman typically keeps himself busy while trying to unveil yet another diabolical plan, but it’s not uncommon for him to take an opportunity to do absolutely nothing and make his mother tend to his every need.
ira (wrath)
The wrath of Cartman is well-documented. He gets upset and goes home in virtually every episode. But no one has suffered from his anger like this character:
It’s not just animals who suffer from Cartman’s wrath. Occasionally, he targets people, including hippies and Jews. And non-gingers, as we see here:
invidia (envy)
Cartman is not only envious of kids who have toys that he doesn’t have, but he’s determined to get toys so he can bask in the jealousy he expects from others.
superbia (pride)
Occasionally, while motivated by greed, Cartman will go to extremes to get what he wants, including dressing as a woman.
Def Leppard has been putting out albums since 1980, but they can never be accused of rehashing the same stuff on new albums, like Iron Maiden. Thirty-one years after their debut, Def Leppard’s latest release is their first live one, Mirror Ball, a two-disc album with a DVD. It’s coming to us more than two decades late.
It gets off to the right start with “Rock! Rock! (Till You Drop),” and contains the obvious hits like “Animal,” “Too Late for Love,” “Foolin’,” “Love Bites,” “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” “Photograph,” “Hysteria,” “Armageddon It” and “Rock of Ages.” There is a way-too-short rendition of “Rocket,” which is inexcusable because I’ve seen them play ten-minute epic versions of that song that put the pavilion in a trance. They do, however, play a great version of “Bringin’ on the Heartbreak,” where you can really feel the “live” aspect to the song more than any other.
Regardless of Mirror Ball, I still don’t understand why they didn’t release a live album in their prime, after 1987’s Hysteria, or even Adrenalize. They certainly couldn’t have been waiting for the arrival of “C’Mon C’Mon” or other songs that sucked from the Sparkle Lounge – the tour this album came from. Back then, they didn’t have any problems putting out multiple live videos (those wonderful VHS tapes), so why not an album?
For those with file-finding skills, these aren’t the only live tracks out there. Years ago, awesome live tracks leaked onto shady file-sharing sites, many of which were better than the tracks on Mirror Ball. There’s even an unplugged version of “Pour Some Sugar on Me” floating around.
All in all, there are too many songs on this album that fans won’t care about. “Nine Lives,” anyone? When you hear “Kings of the World,” you’ll wonder if they also dress like Queen while ripping off their sound.
So, I asked the question last year, Is Def Leppard Cool? I can honestly say… no. They just have several great songs that we’ve been waiting to hear live.
There is no shortage of criteria for making a list of epic and creative rock songs, but with several lists floating around cyberspace, many of which include songs that few have ever heard, Gunaxin figured it will take a shot at this too. An epic and creative rock song is generally long, relatively popular, and doesn’t completely follow traditional song structures. It often veers into a completely different direction once or twice while maintaining its listenability and integrity.
1 Nights in White Satin – 1967 Moody Blues
The orchestra in this song sounds as if it could be the soundtrack to a movie, and you won’t want to turn it off during the poetry epilogue just because the instrumentals ended.
2 In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida – 1968 Iron Butterfly
Clocking in at 17:02, Iron Butterfly’s “In the Garden of Eden” certainly fits the criteria, but suffers from the fact that it’s not exactly the most pleasurable song to listen to in its entirety. You’ll find yourself wanting to take a break, or change the channel, and come back later after the extended solos. Regardless, Iron Butterfly went balls-out with this song, one that pretty much justified their existence. Plus, even Bart Simpson found it good enough to play a prank on the church organist by swapping in the notes to this classic.
3 Layla – 1970 Derek and the Dominos
Eric Clapton’s “Layla” is great for a two completely different reasons. It’s an extraordinarily high-energy rock song – about a girl – that also contains an instrumental good enough to be segmented out as a soundtrack to a mob movie’s death montage (Goodfellas). Another great thing? It sounds good slow, as Clapton showed during his Unplugged sessions.
4 Stairway to Heaven – 1971 Led Zeppelin
This is the biggest no-brainer on this list. Fans sometimes find themselves scrambling to discover a deeper meaning behind the lyrics, only to learn it’s simply about a woman getting everything she wants without giving back, as Robert Plant says.
5 Free Bird – 1974 Lynyrd Skynyrd
Here is another no-brainer, one that fans scream for — even at non-Skynyrd concerts. Like several others on this list, “Free Bird” starts out slow, remains slow, then turns into a musical Valhalla.
6 Bohemian Rhapsody – 1975 Queen
To think it was Wayne’s World that brought this song to the mainstream after years of cult status in Queen’s catalog of hits. Part ballad, part opera, part rock song, this song is Freddie Mercury’s masterpiece.
7 Paradise by the Dashboard Light – 1977 Meat Loaf
Generally a song about premarital teenage sexual relations isn’t one that will get elevated to epic status, but Meat Loaf’s multi-layered masterpiece paints a very vivid picture even through the ol’ baseball-to-lovemaking comparison.
8 Rime of the Ancient Mariner – 1984 Iron Maiden
This is one that often gets overlooked, just as Iron Maiden generally does when it comes to quality bands. Iron Maiden has a handful of songs that could’ve been considered for this list, including “The Clansman,” “When The Wild Wind Blows” and “Paschendale,” but it was “Mariner” that elevated these Brits from another ’80s hair metal band to poetic intellectuals. The subject matter, which is something ordinarily taught in a high school honors English class, is just the silver lining of the song structure, which is filled with both conventional rock and a poem break. It clocks in at 13:33, but does not feel that long.
9 One – 1989 Metallica
Metallica’s war epic based on Dalton Trumbo’s 1939 novel Johnny Got His Gun starts off with artillery sound effects and a slow intro. Eventually we get to the part where James Hetfield screams “LANDMINE” as the bombs explode and the stage falls apart. This is a staple at all Metallica concerts.
10 November Rain – 1992 Guns n’ Roses
Axl Rose and company had several major hits on their first few albums, but “November Rain” was the only one that really seemed to be more than one song. Starting off softly, “Rain” is a ballad throughout Part I. But after nearly seven minutes, Slash starts jamming and it becomes an actual Guns n’ Roses song. Chiming in at 8:57 – most of which is the slow part – this is Guns n’ Roses’s “Stairway to Heaven.”
BONUS
Thriller – 1982
Michael Jackson
Though it’s technically pop music (as opposed to rock), this one belongs in a category of its own.
Are there others? Of course! But before you name any, remember the criteria.
The Washington Post just hired me for a six-month contract, where I’ll be a systems consultant and also work on categorization for their new CMS. This will be the first time I’ll be working outside their editorial department because this is an IT job.
This is also the fourth time I’ll be working with The Post. I started there in Oct. 1998 and left in Oct. 2005. They called me back a few months after I left for contract work, and that lasted until early 2007. Then, the corporate office hired me back in March for a short project.
