The Apocalypse Playlist… Songs to Die To

There are many songs about the end of the world, or at least ones that allude to it, but most of them don’t really fit the scene for the last hour of humanity on Earth. Like in a film, we’ve gotta score it properly. But since we don’t want to hire a composer, like John Williams or Danny Elfman (because the end of the world will be a cartoonish Tim Burton-imagined drama with Johnny Depp as the Antichrist), Gunaxin will set up speakers and DJ the remaining hour as people are running out to the streets and barfing blood as a horrible virus wipes out mankind in the middle of a nuclear war, alien invasion and coming of the Messiah.

We’ll spare you REM’s “It’s the End of the World As We Know It” because if that’s playing, we’ll be looking at our watches and asking what’s the holdup. Also, we won’t be taking requests, because the timing is too important, as the last song must end for the last man standing to hear (which means more people will actually be around to hear the earlier ones, so the last one could be “Who Let the Dogs Out” but too few will be around to give a damn).


T-minus 51:35

Don’t Fear the Reaper
Blue Öyster Cult

We’ll start off with an obvious one, at least to the older folks who know this as something other than that ‘MORE COWBELL’ song. This was used in the TV adaptation of Stephen King’s The Stand when the virus escaped. It worked well there and it’ll be a great opening song for this final event. Here’s how it’ll play out:

World population: 6,750,000,000


T-minus 46:30

Brave New World
Iron Maiden

It’s still early and despite the sirens, car crashes, and bodies piling up, not everyone is aware of what’s going on. This song will get them off their sofas. They’ll look out the window to the park where they’ll see, DYING SWANS…

World population: 3,337,500,000

I’d also like to bring up the point that most of Iron Maiden’s music fits in well with the end of the world chaos. If we had to choose one band to play the Final Concert, it’d be these Brits. Check out Gunaxin’s Best Iron Maiden Songs You Haven’t Heard.


T-minus 40:12

Hangar 18
Megadeth

Thought we’d pick “Symphony of Destruction”? Nope, this one’s better. Plus, it’s because aliens invade and help obliterate us.

World population: 168,750,000


T-minus 35:01

When the Levee Breaks
Led Zeppelin

This one is for those who either live below sea level or on the coast. It’s what would’ve been playing – on repeat – if Gunaxin was the DJ during Hurricane Katrina.

World population: 84,375,000


T-minus 27:53

Creeping Death
Metallica

This song is about the tenth plague of Egypt in the Torah. It’s been centuries since the Angel of Death crawled across the land taking first born man. This time, Death is being far less selective about who it takes and doesn’t care about lambs’ blood on the door.

World population: 42,187,500


T-minus 21:17

The Last Day on Earth
Marilyn Manson

Yeah, I know, way too obvious, but after all, it is Manson, and who better than the Antichrist Superstar to get airplay as fire and brimstone rains down?

World population: 21,093,750


T-minus 16:16

No One’s There
Korn

Korn, too, is a band that deserves some airplay, and we’ll select this song amongst a bunch of other great ones. We would’ve selected “Hollow Life” but the destruction of humanity pretty much answers the question Where is God?

World population: 10,546,875


T-minus 11:10

In the End
Linkin Park

Another obvious song, but the tone is right as we dip in population below ten million worldwide.

World population: 5,273,438


T-minus 7:34

A Warm Place
Nine Inch Nails

NIN has a few songs that could’ve been considered, but we’ll select one that captures the perfect tone of how things are toward the end.

World population: 2,636,718


T-minus 4:12

1812 Overture
Tchaikovsky

A global deadly virus. Nuclear war. Aliens. Messiah. Whatever. Let’s end with a blast.

World population: 0


If you are seriously curious about what happens to our beloved planet after that, you can find the answers here.

The Best Response I’ve Ever Gotten

Back in college, I wrote for the student newspaper The Diamondback at University of Maryland). At the time, I had the itch to voice my opinions on controversial subjects using satirical writing. I didn’t care that some people would angrily dismiss me as an idiot, because others would STRONGLY agree. Sure enough, the hate mail and love letters arrived. Even professors nodded their approval.

But there was one person who wrote to me who I’ll never forget. I did what most people can’t – completely change someone’s perspective on one of the most controversial subjects out there (using a student newspaper, of all things). She sent me this e-mail on Dec. 6, 1996.

Date: Fri, 6 Dec 1996 00:22:03 -0500 (EST)
From: Rebecca Bender <renna@wam.umd.edu>
To: Chain <bsumner@wam.umd.edu>
Subject: Oh, dear.

I am twenty years old. For eight years of my life I have been staunchly
pro-choice. This is especially odd in light of the fact that I am also
staunchly Catholic, and nothing anyone, including my Church, could say
would change my mind about the abortion issue. Not only is it my body to
do what I want with, but it’s not my place to tell others what to do with
their bodies. Period.

Your editorial changed all that.

I started reading your article because I thought it was another piece of
lifer bullshit. I’m still not sure what your point was, whether it was
arguing against abortion or against drugs or just against hypocrisy. It
doesn’t matter. And I’m not saying your article was an extraordinary piece
of literature. But somehow, it changed my mind– something I never, ever
thought would happen.

I was reading your article going bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, when I hit
the line about “a woman has every right to drink, smoke and bounce on her
belly because, say it with me, ‘you can do with your body what you want'”.
Again, I thought, bullshit, she doesn’t have that right because that’s
attempted murder, just like on ER a couple of weeks ago with that woman
who tried to drink her baby to death.

And then I realized I was being a hypocrite.

And suddenly a hundred things fell into place. I realized that if a woman
gives birth three months prematurely she can’t dismember the baby on the
delivery table, but she can have an abortion at six months and that’s
legal. I said, hey, it’s a body inside MY body and so it’s my right to do
what I want with. Then I thought, just because the dentist puts his hand
in my mouth doesn’t give me the right to bite it off. I thought, Having a
child inside you gives you a responsibility, not a right.

I know you didn’t do it on purpose, but you snuck up on me. Here’s what
you did do on purpose: you made me face up to my own hypocrisy.

What about feminism? I thought. And then I thought, in a society where
motherhood is not sacred but negligible, is it any surprise that women’s
roles as mothers are not much respected?

How dare I bitch about the lack of sanctity for motherhood while demanding
my right to kill my children?

A man named Milan Kundera once wrote that as humans, it is our treatment
of the helpless, not of the able, that says the most about us. Now I think
I’m a different kind of pro-choice: putting the choices of my children
before my own choices. That sounds like the right kind of feminism to me.

This is getting long, so I’ll end this here. I want to thank
you for setting me straight. I think you should be proud. I marched in the
pro-choice march in ’93. Though I never believed I could live with myself
if I had an abortion, I always vigilantly supported the right of women to
do so if they chose. Even my church couldn’t change my mind. And somehow
you did.

And I’m surprised because I really feel good about it, like I finally
chose the right thing. Thanks.

-Becky

Ryan Meets His Grandparents

It’s funny that my parents are now grandparents but they’re in their 60s so there really isn’t anything strange about that. Here they are with my grandmother and my newborn nephew, Ryan.

 

 

Smaug the Magnificent Legendary Collection Stein

I’m not a stein collector, but when I saw Smaug the Magnificent I knew that would be one I’d go for if I ever started collecting. That moment happened and I couldn’t be happier with the purchase. It absolutely looks and feels like a quality piece (granted, I haven’t held too many others).

Of course, this isn’t meant for anything other than show. This isn’t a stein that you drink out of, and if you can’t do that you can’t do much else with it. You just pick it up every now and then and admire the artwork and the gold ring on top. Maybe flip it open and wonder if the metal lid could break the porcelain if you close it too hard.

CORRECTION: According to the directions, you can drink out of it. I won’t.

Or, get the cheaper version of this:

 

Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein01 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein31 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein30 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein29 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein28 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein27 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein26 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein25 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein24 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein23 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein22 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein21 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein20 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein19 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein18 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein17 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein15 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein14 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein13 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein11 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein10 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein09 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein08 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein07 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein06 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein05 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein04 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein03 Smaug-the-Magnificent-Legendary-Stein02

Instincts Without a Cause

Certain people instinctively enjoy being loud and confrontational on a stage set for them to angrily express their views. Freedom of speech and the Internet have made this easier to do, and groups that bind together in the name of a cause provide an unapologetic opportunity for the members to scratch these protest itches.

Back in the mid-90s on college campuses, everything seemed right with our world. Never mind that Al Qaeda was plotting to spread fear throughout America and people throughout the world were living under oppressive, murderous governments. Bill Clinton was in office, the stock market was soaring and the U.S. was merely patrolling Iraq for fly-zone violations.

At University of Maryland, College Park, there wasn’t much to be angry about. Sure, there were Lyndon LaRouche supporters handing out pamphlets and poorly-attended anarchist rallies, but nothing to get bent out of shape over, unlike a few decades earlier when Vietnam War protests took hold of the campus.

Some people, perhaps those who had these instincts that I speak of, suddenly found a cause which gave them a chance to socially bind together, carry signs and shout slogans. By golly, there was no Asian-American Studies program at the University of Maryland. It wasn’t a major, and it needed to be, now. (Keep in mind there never was a program for this at UMCP – it was something they simply demanded. The protests would have been vastly different if they were arguing to retain the program).

“Gooks, Chinks, Spicks and Japs, take these labels off our backs!” Yes, they yelled this during their ‘protests.’

<Insert cause here>. Round up students. Make signs. Get together and be loud. Asian-American Studies at University of Maryland was the cause, and the supporters wouldn’t be ignored. There was simply no argument good enough for not having this program. It was their right. It was a violation of their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness not to have these classes on demand.

When people have this passion and enjoy confrontation, they’ll adopt a cause. They’ll decide which side and group of people that they feel more comfortable with. They’ll stretch their view to justify every last point and anyone who disagrees is a racist, regardless of any credentials. They’ll look at the same unbiased facts as their opponents and interpret them to suit their own beliefs. They’ll attend protests, scream in people’s faces, and justify their poor behavior by claiming that they can’t be civil to the terrorist opposition. They’ll make great friends – a necessary bonus – and the cause is suddenly their life. If and when they win, it’s off to another cause, because the itch will return.

I don’t have these instincts to scream in the face of someone who has a different view than me (Though I did attend the Rally for Sanity), but I do have the instinct to analyze the arguments of people like this and dissect the extreme claims they created to support their cause. They call me names when I play devil’s advocate, though what I say doesn’t necessarily contradict the overall issue. You can still agree broadly with a cause but disagree with certain arguments that justify it, or acknowledge that it may have consequences that would need to be addressed separately. But close-minded people don’t want it that way.

Here’s a real-world example, more common and controversial than Asian-American Studies at UMCP. The basic argument surrounding the abortion debate is whether or not a fetus (typically only in the early stages of pregnancy) should have the same rights as anyone else. Either yes or no. If someone says no, that doesn’t necessarily put them on the same page as angry feminists who claim abortion is self defense, pregnancy oppresses and harms women, and that a fetus is nothing more than a parasite. Average pro-choice people reject these ideas, but those who like to scream and protest are more likely to embrace them, then shout them to the world. The same formula happens with other controversial causes, including the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and the U.S. involvement in the Middle East.

When someone is so passionate about a cause, the extremism may not be just about their actual beliefs, but their personal desire for confrontation.

For what it’s worth, there is now an Asian-American Studies program at UMCP. Maybe that slogan put them over the top.