Five Reasons Why Bert & Ernie Should Come Out of the Closet

A recent tweet by Bert from Sesame Street led to speculation that he’ll soon be coming out of the closet. While rumors of Bert and Ernie’s homosexuality have been around since Jim Henson and Frank Oz stuck their hands up their backsides (This is Gunaxin, we make stupid jokes like that), it’s time to list good reasons why now is the time for them to finally admit the extent of their relationship.

1. To teach children about gay people

Too often, children first learn about homosexuality in a negative context from peers. The first time I heard about it was from older kids who were calling each other “faggot.” As a preschooler, Bert and Ernie were my heroes, and if I had known they were gay with the child-friendly definition of ‘two men who live together as a couple’ I would’ve started out with a much more positive view of homosexuality than what I learned on the playground. The only drawback is that homophobic or closed-minded parents may keep their children from watching the show under this circumstance, thus potentially harming their child’s cognitive development in more ways than one.

 

2. To teach kids that gay people can be polar opposites

Another one of the early beliefs about gay people is that they’re “flamers.” Though I knew better, it wasn’t until I was 18 and working in the warehouse of an interior design company that I really got a firsthand look at the diversity of personalities in the homosexual community (ranging from the guy you’d never suspect to the guy who dressed as Dorothy on Halloween – seriously). Young children recognize Bert and Ernie are very different from one another, and their opposite personalities at the very best will keep gay folks from being stereotyped.

 

3. To give a boost of confidence to young gay kids

I don’t know at what point kids start to realize they’re gay, but if they’re actually taught what it is by understanding Muppets instead of left to learn about it on the playground in a negative context, I can only presume it would be easier on them.

 

4. There’s been an HIV positive Muppet already, so why not a gay one?

Sesame Street in South Africa unveiled an HIV positive Muppet years ago due to the HIV epidemic in that part of the world. South Africa doesn’t have a history of open-mindedness, yet teaching kids about HIV via a Muppet was groundbreaking. Imagine if Sesame Street had just admitted in the first place that Bert and Ernie were gay (assuming PBS would’ve been open to it back then). With gay bullying and gay suicides such hot issues lately, admitting these Muppets are gay can help fight these issues. People who disagree are either homophobic, closed-minded or believe it’s up to the parents to explain. In all cases, the parents are likely causing more harm than good to the child’s development than with just this one issue.

 

5. To end the speculation

To me, it’s kind of annoying when someone who is obviously gay doesn’t officially come out and admit it – then admits it and receives much fanfare. Ellen DeGeneres’s big moment was the biggest “no s%$#, Sherlock” moment of the 20th century. Please read: These days, it’s only brave for a celebrity to come out of the closet when there’s NO MAJOR SPECULATION that he or she is gay. Bert and Ernie coming out won’t exactly shock people, but the fact that Sesame Street can teach children about homosexuality and raise them to be accepting is a step that needs to be taken if we expect to make bigger strides toward decreasing stigmas and prejudice in the coming years.

Other than homophobic and closed-minded arguments, the only one I’ve heard in response to this is that Bert and Ernie are puppets and can’t be gay, and there’s nothing wrong with leaving it as a friendship. While that’s not wrong, Sesame Street would be missing a huge opportunity.

Now let’s sing.

Rally for Sanity

As usual when I go to Washington DC for a big event, it was a pain. Way too many people, didn’t even come close to getting a clear view of the main event and had a hard time getting out. But unlike just about every event I ever went to down there, the photos came out very well.

The Heavy Metal Halloween Playlist

There’s nothing worse than going to a Halloween party and hearing “The Monster Mash.” For the pop-metal loving crowd, you gotta play hard music that fits the theme of Halloween, even if the song itself isn’t about zombies or psycho killers. Heavy metal (not the ’80s hair band metal) with a pop twist is the perfect music for a non-lame Halloween party because it’s not cheesy and it’s not death metal, which is painful for most people to listen to.

I’m sure there are other songs that can be added to this list, and after the consumption of much alcohol, just about anything goes. But let’s start with the initial list of songs to get your party started.

Alice in Chains
Man in the Box
Would?
Angry Chair

Alice Cooper
Feed My Frankenstein
Poison
Little by Little

Iron Maiden
Fear of the Dark
Hallowed Be Thy Name
Virus
Phantom of the Opera
Seventh Son of a Seventh Son
Powerslave

Marilyn Manson
Rock Is Dead
Cruci-Fiction In Space
The Reflecting God
Angel With the Scabbed Wings
The Golden Age of Grotesque

Korn
Got the Life
Here to Stay
Thoughtless
Freak on a Leash
Trash

Slipknot
Duality
Wait and Bleed
My Plague

Ozzy Osbourne
No More Tears
Iron Man
Back On Earth
Mr. Crowley
Bark At The Moon

Mushroomhead
43
Bwomp
These Filthy Hands
Solitaire/Unraveling
Rot

Metallica
My Friend of Misery
Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
Until It Sleeps
Of Wolf and Man
Enter Sandman

Megadeth
Symphony of Destruction
Hangar 18
She-Wolf
Wanderlust

Ronnie James Dio
Last in Line
Rainbow in the Dark
Holy Diver

Disturbed
Asylum
Stricken
Ten Thousand Fists

Godsmack
Awake
Voodoo
Mistakes
I Stand Alone

Nine Inch Nails
The Perfect Drug
Head Like a Hole
The Hand That Feeds

Tool
Sober
Schism

Gwar
Alice Cooper’s School’s Out

Rob Zombie
Dragula
More Human Than Human
Feel So Numb

My New Hockey Column

As if I don’t have enough websites to write for, I recently added another. For Fansided’s main NHL blog, Too Many Men on the Site, I’ll be writing a column called ‘Hitting the Post’ on Mondays.

Why would I do this? It’ll give me an outlet to write about hockey that isn’t Caps-specific meant for Capitals Outsider, and isn’t goofy like for Gunaxin.

The name, “Hitting the Post,” actually has several meanings. Most obvious is when the puck hits the side of the goal. But it’s also the DJ term for talking through the intro of a song and stopping less than a second before the lyrics start (an homage to my DJ days in college). Lastly, it means I’m hitting the Washington Post for continuing to not pay much attention to hockey in terms of columnists. Sure, they send a writer to a game every now and then, but it’s hardly enough.

Anyway, this week, I’m politely asking everyone to stop calling it the Gordie Howe Hat Trick and to rename it the Brendan Shanahan Hat Trick. Why? Just read.

‘The Ovechkin Project’ Review

Several athletes these days generate enough interest to justify a book, and Capitals fans were initially pleased to know that they’d get a more in-depth view of Alex Ovechkin, one of the best athletes Washington D.C. has ever had. But the “The Ovechkin Project” isn’t necessarily a biography of hockey’s most dangerous player, but a thesis on a question that no one asked.

The book chronicles Ovechkin’s life in Russia, his time with Moscow Dynamo and days in the World Juniors. It details the many factors – including the signing of Jaromir Jagr and the timing of Ovechkin’s birthday – that needed to happen in order to get him to Washington. It narrates many familiar moments, such as the nationally televised game on Super Bowl Sunday. It talks about the disappointments last season in the Olympics and playoffs, the suspensions, and the NHL awards ceremony in Las Vegas. Readers also get a look into related stories, such as the rise of Bruce Boudreau and how that benefited Mike Green and David Steckel in particular.

But the underlying theme of the book is how Ovechkin supposedly changed from the fun-loving, carefree person he was in his rookie season to something different today. To prove their point, authors Damien Cox and Gare Joyce too often make unnecessary and biased assertions, and focus on – shocker – how frustrated Ovechkin must be because he hasn’t yet won a Stanley Cup or Olympic gold medal. The authors also suggest that Ovechkin will come to regret his long term contract with the Capitals because shorter-term ones could have ultimately paid him more. Does anyone think Ovechkin is losing sleep over this?

That’s not to say the book completely throws Ovechkin under the bus. Aside from describing some Washington Capitals history and other things that fans would find interesting, the authors interview people who have benefited from Ovechkin’s generosity and thoughtfulness. Take away the needless quips and silly claims and the book has the making of a halfway decent look at the Washington Capitals and the arrival of Alex Ovechkin. Capitals Director of Media Relations Nate Ewell says that Cox and Joyce were given access to everyone in the organization but Ovechkin, who opted not to participate. This likely created some bitterness that made the authors tilt the writing in the direction that ultimately earned the book sour reviews, including this one.

Because of smart PR by Ted Leonsis and the Capitals organization, many fans – clearly the target audience of ‘The Ovechkin Project’ – made a decision not to read it even before it hit shelves. And Cox did further damage by claiming Ovechkin’s contract shouldn’t have been approved, which earned a rebuttal from Ted Leonsis. But the very worst thing? The book contains an unacceptable number of typographical errors, which is inexcusable for anyone but breaking news bloggers.