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The Diversification of Serial Killers

An Arab-Israeli Christian who came to the United States who randomly stabs black people, killing five, injuring many more (see article from The Post).

You can’t make this up. All the good serial killer movies are based on real life (white) killers in whole or parts, then this guy comes along, completely changing up the typical lineup of crazy white loners.

Or, maybe that whole white loner thing was wrong from the start, and was only connected to several high-profile cases while many other people of different races were running around killing people, too. Certainly, we all learned something with the D.C. snipers, but as the facts came out about John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo, things started making a bit more sense.

But really, an Arab-Israeli Greek Orthodox Christian who stabs black people in the U.S.? What next, a white Nova Scotian Hindu who moves to South Africa to run over old ladies with his Trans Am?

Surely more information will come out about Elias Abuelazam. We’ll learn that when he was a kid, he enjoyed torturing animals and that he was sexually abused… you know, the obvious. But maybe not. And that’s the scary part, because when these freaks fit a typical description, we find them easier to lump together. But with guys like this, it seems that there is no longer a typical description. You know, except for being male.

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Capitals Outsider and TBD.com

The new local news site, TBD.com launched today, and I’m proud to say that Capitals Outsider is part of their network. At first, I was skeptical about TBD saturating an already crowded marketplace for local news, but they clearly took a huge step toward being different by reaching out to local bloggers. With washingtonpost.com and WTOP.com, not to mention other local news sites, I’m terribly unclear on how patch.com expects to get any page views with its just-launched local sites. While this is an exciting time to see these sites launching, the real test is to see if they can sustain themselves. Worst case, we’re looking at another frenzy of layoffs in a couple of years.

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Famous Film Disguises That Should’ve Failed

There’s nothing like a disguise to get a film hero out of a dangerous situation. In four very famous movies, the heroes are in the belly of the beast, and all signs point to capture when low and behold, disguises get them out of trouble, at least temporarily.

These films use virtually the same plan, three of which involve a rescue. But none of them should have worked, and our protagonists should have been beheaded. Let’s look.

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

After arriving at the Death Star, Luke and Han ambush some stormtroopers, dress in their gear, and take Chewbacca prisoner as they walk through the Death Star to rescue Princess Leia.

The problem: Even Princess Leia doesn’t believe it. “Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” And what’s up with Han doing the courteous thing and motioning to see if anyone else needs to use the elevator? Stormtroopers wouldn’t do that. Dead giveaway.

Of course, these guys have been immortalized as merchandise.

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Frodo and Sam dress as orcs as they move through Mordor.

The problem: They’re what, three-feet tall? Wouldn’t the other orcs smell the Hobbits? And then there’s INSPECTION! Wouldn’t at least one of those orcs notice the two sneak away after causing a commotion?

The Wizard of Oz

The lion, the tin man and the scarecrow ambush some guards and wear their uniforms so they can enter the witch’s castle to rescue Dorothy.

The problem: Okay, obviously this one is supposed to be funny, but let’s at least acknowledge that this plan, which wasn’t even a plan because somehow they were ambushed and came out on top, would’ve failed miserably.

Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Somehow, Lando Calrissian, wearing a space football helmet, infiltrates Jabba the Hutt’s Skiff guard so he can keep an eye on Han Solo, who is frozen in carbonite.

The problem: Perhaps there’s an entire backstory to how Lando pulled this off, but for those of us who only watch the films and don’t read, this is outright implausible. A black man in a KKK hood infiltrating a Klan rally is more believable.

And then there’s this:

Princess Leia dresses up like the bounty hunter Boushh, brings a thermal detonator and Chewbacca to Jabba’s palace, and seems to fool everyone.

This is the best disguise out of all the ones already mentioned. However, it’s the only one that fails, and makes the least bit of sense. While Leia successfully gets Han out of the carbonite, she is then immediately discovered and taken prisoner, which further complicates the situation.

Since Lando is already there, why doesn’t he unfreeze Han? What was the purpose of putting Leia’s life in jeopardy? Sure, this plot point led to one of the best costumes in cinematic history, but if Leia never shows up, Luke would have still rescued Han, Jabba would have still been killed, and they would have gotten away.

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Farewell to a Beat Writer

It’s not uncommon for a newspaper reporter to change beats. Covering the same exact thing, day after day, has benefits but can also be tiring. Having spent eight years at The Washington Post, I’ve seen three journalists cover the Washington Capitals beat. Rachel Alexander/Nichols did a fine job, and has moved on to much better things at ESPN. Jason La Canfora then did a good job before being promoted to cover the Redskins. Then came Tarik el Bashir, who had a much greater sense for hockey than most Post journalists (particularly the columnists). Sure, that’s not saying much considering the criticism of The Post’s hockey coverage, but Tarik has definitely improved it over the past five years.

My first encounter with Tarik was during the lockout season several years back. I ran into former Capitals captain Jeff Halpern at the now-closed Hockey Stop in Rockville. Halpern said he was going back to Europe to play for a team. I e-mailed Bill Grant, my former boss and washingtonpost.com sports editor, who e-mailed Tarik who called Jeff and then wrote an article about it. I didn’t actually meet Tarik then but when I finally met him years later in the Capitals press room, he actually remembered that little story. He also thought it was hilarious that we named our blog “Capitals Outsider” which was a play on words for his Washington Post blog, “Capitals Insider.”

Over the next couple season I got to watch Tarik work. He had the most demanding job of any journalist in the Capitals press room. He had a great sense of humor, and it was great watching him interact with the players and coaches since he knew them better than the other journalists.

So when he stepped down from his beat to focus on NASCAR, Georgetown basketball and his family, I wasn’t surprised, but I knew I had to write a tell-all tale about the dirty secrets behind his work. So I wrote “A Tribute to Tarik el-Bashir” for Capitals Outsider.

Tarik’s response: “Oh my god. Never thought I would see that. Thanks man.”

And Ted Leonsis’s response: “That is very nice of you although although early on he didn’t like the bloggers for the Caps at all:-). Ted”

Well, THAT I didn’t know. You lose, Tarik! Bloggers forever!