Who’s the Dumbest Athlete Ever?

It’s time to put it to a vote. Who do you believe is the dumbest athlete of all time? Though we here at Gunaxin came up with a list of 30 top prospects, there are certainly many more who could have qualified. Some of them aren’t as high-profile, or didn’t get as much media attention, or maybe did dumb things (Charles Barkley, for example), but are getting along relatively fine despite serial idiotic decisions. This list theoretically could be thousands of people long if we named them all, so let’s stick with some of the most well-known.

Vote for the dumbest at the bottom!


Plaxico Burress

In a small way I actually feel sorry for Burress, who is serving a two-year prison sentence for bringing a gun into a club and accidentally shooting himself in the leg, like Cheddar Bob in 8 Mile. Two years seems harsh for that, because it’s not like he was trying to rob or kill someone. Michael Vick got a similar sentence and did much worse. Regardless, this misstep caused this one-time Super Bowl hero to get released by the Giants and to miss the next two seasons of football relatively late in his career, which means he may be done for good.

 


Maurice Clarett

Clarett had one of the best freshman years ever as he led Ohio State to a championship. Because of the NFL’s age rules, he was not eligible to be drafted. So he sued. And he partied. And he got arrested. Then he got drafted, didn’t make the team, got arrested for armed robbery and is now in prison. Check out his blog.

 


Rae Carruth

This Carolina Panther tried to have his pregnant girlfriend killed. Was captured in the trunk of his car with $3900 in cash, bottles to hold his urine, extra clothes, candy bars, and a cell phone.


John Daly

This golfer is nothing but trouble. Whenever he wins an event, he blows it on gambling. He’s been married and divorced a bunch of times. He was arrested at Hooters in 2008. Due to Daly’s various drinking escapades, the drink consisting of sweet tea-flavored vodka and lemonade (also called a Dirty Arnold Palmer) is often referred to as a John Daly. Actually, that’s pretty cool.

 


Lenny Dykstra

Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel showed how he became a financial wizard and made millions, then Gumbel did a follow-up story showing how Dykstra lost all his money and filed for bankruptcy. Last I heard, he was living in his car.

 


Dwight Gooden

Gooden was one of the most dominant NL pitchers in the middle and late 1980s, but his career declined because of drug and alcohol abuse. After he retired, he was arrested for drunk driving, hitting his girlfriend, another DWI, probation violation, and he served time in prison.

 


Eddie Griffin

Crashed his car while watching porn and playing with himself while drunk. “Anal Action” and “Privates” were the two porn titles cited in a lawsuit against him. In March 2007, Griffin was released by the Timberwolves, who had grown tired of his attitude and off-court troubles. Later that year, Houston police said Griffin, who was drunk, ignored a railroad warning and went through a barrier before striking a moving train and burned to death. He is survived by a daughter named Amaree.

 


Chris Henry

This Bengal has done so many stupid things that an entire article could be devoted to it. He’s been in trouble for drugs, guns, DWI, providing alcohol to minors, on-the-field problems, assault, probation violation and the list goes on.

 


Travis Henry

This footballer has fathered at least 11 children among 10 different women, has had on-going problems making his child support payments, and this: In July, 2009, Henry was sentenced to three years in federal prison for financing a cocaine trafficking operation.

 


“Shoeless Joe” Jackson

…and his teammates intentionally lost the 1919 World Series with the Black Sox.

 


Tank Johnson

Johnson has been in trouble for guns, assault, resisting arrest, probation violation, and has served time in jail.


Marion Jones

Yes, female athletes do stupid things, too. Jones won five medals at the 2000 Summer Olympics in Sydney, but had to forfeit all medals and prizes dating back to September 2000 after admitting that she took performance-enhancing drugs. But that’s not all. She also lied to two grand juries, and had to serve six months in prison. She was also involved in a check fraud scheme.

 


Pacman Jones

Another guy with a long rap sheet. He’s been in trouble for assault, disorderly conduct, something to do with drugs and shootings, and a problem with a Las Vegas exotic dancer, amongst other things.

 


Floyd Landis

Sprang ahead to win the 2006 Tour de France, and then they found out… you guessed it… he had doped.

 


Jamal Lewis

During an otherwise fine professional football career, Lewis was charged in 2004 with conspiring to possess with the intent to distribute five kilograms of cocaine, and served four months in prison.

 


Dexter Manley

A great football player for the Washington Redskins, Manley was on two Super Bowl winning teams. Later, we found out he was illiterate, despite going to Oklahoma State University for four years. He got banned from the NFL for failing multiple drug tests, and had drug problems after he left the league.

 


Nate Newton

This six-time pro bowler was found with 213 pounds of marijuana in his van. Five weeks later, he was caught with 175 pounds of marijuana.


Bob Probert

This longtime Red Wing and full-time goon has been arrested for drugs, served time in prison, crashed his motorcycle while high and drunk, and was arrested for allegedly parking his car on the wrong side of the street and entering into an altercation over drugs with bystanders. He was also arrested at his home for breach of peace, resisting arrest, and assaulting a police officer.

 


Pete Rose

Major League Baseball’s all-time hits and games played leader, Rose gambled on the game while a player and a manager, received a ban from the game and won’t make the hall of fame. Rose also pleaded guilty to two charges of filing false income tax returns not showing income he received from selling autographs and memorabilia, and from horse racing winnings. He was sentenced to five months in prison.

 


Rosie Ruiz

 

In 1980, she came in first in the 84th Boston Marathon, but was later stripped of her title when it was found that she had registered for the race and later jumped in from the crowd and sprinted to the finish.

 


Donte Stallworth

DUI. Killed someone. Served 30 days of jail time. Suspended for a season.

 


Darryl Strawberry

Child support problems, arrested for soliciting a prostitute, arrested for a hit-and-run, drugs, and served time in prison.

 


O.J. Simpson

Starred in some really bad movies, amongst other things.

 


Mike Tyson

Convicted of rape, drug problems, assault problems, bit an opponent’s ear, went bankrupt… you name it.

 


Marcus Vick

Mike’s younger brother who had two criminal convictions while quarterback at Virginia Tech, not to mention traffic arrests. After he left Virginia Tech and failed to make it in the NFL (with the Dolphins), he got in trouble for brandishing a firearm against a group of people, was involved in a civil lawsuit involving sex with a juvenile, more traffic arrests and seven additional convictions, a DUI, eluding police, driving on the wrong side of the road. Most recently, he’s been in trouble for marijuana. No problems with dog-fighting, though.

 


Michael Vick

Drug problems and financed a dog fighting ring. Served time in prison, and now he’s back with the Philadelphia Eagles where Gunaxin prays that he FAILS.

 


Antoine Walker

This longtime Celtic was arrested for suspicion of drunk driving at Miami Beach in 2009, and was charged with three felony counts of writing bad checks related to gambling debts he had incurred at three Las Vegas casinos. Walker was arrested on at Harrah’s Casino in South Lake Tahoe, Nevada on charges stemmed from over $800,000 in gambling debts.

 


Jayson Williams

Since his retirement from the NBA due to injuries, Williams has famously been involved in the shooting death of a limo driver at his home. He was also stunned with a taser by police after becoming violent at a N.Y. hotel room, and later got into an altercation at a bar. Next up: A retrial for the limo driver manslaughter charge, which could get him 10 years.

 


Ricky Williams

This guy sounds more like a hippie than an average dumb football player with four kids by three different women. He’s a vegetarian, a supporter of PETA, a yoga instructor, a Hindu. Oh yeah, he’s a big marijuana user, and has been in trouble and suspended from the NFL multiple times for that. He also signed a ridiculous contract when he came into the league, which was largely incentive-laden, with most of them requiring higher than top-level production to attain.

 


The Baseball Dopers

 

They doped, they hit home runs, they got into very little – if any – trouble, and now everyone knows who they are and think they’re jerkoffs. Only thing is, very few of them really got in much trouble, but suffered some embarrassment. Maybe they’re not so dumb, after all.

 


Dishonorable Mentions

Ron Artest (basketball)
Sean Avery (hockey)
Len Bias (basketball)
Eric Cantona (soccer)
Mike Danton (hockey)
Theo Fluery (hockey)
Tonya Harding (skating)
Michael Irvin (football)
Tony Mandarick (football)
Bode Miller (skiing)
Randy Moss (football)
Ruben Patterson (basketball)
Lawrence Phillips (football)
Michael Rasmussen (cycling)
Barret Robbins (football)
Robert “Tractor” Traylor (basketball)
Chris Simon (hockey)
Michelle Smith (swimming)
Ugueth Urbina (baseball
Qyntel Woods (basketball)
The Ultimate Warrior (wrestler)
THE LIST NEVER ENDS

Memorable Music Moments in Movies

All films, even relatively bad ones, have moments that capture the audience’s attention, but it’s often the supporting music that separates great scenes from the truly unforgettable. And then there is the music that becomes even more recognizable than the scene – or film – itself.

With music that is not composed specifically with the film in mind, the director has an advantage in enhancing a scene because the track can be selected, purchased, and strategically placed. That’s certainly not a bad thing, but not the same as composers orchestrating that perfect combination of notes specifically for an unforgettable moment. Musicals, too, have a different kind of advantage, so for this list we’ll focus on only single tracks from original scores that enhance great film moments. At the bottom I’ll list some memorable pre-recorded, or covered instrumental music used in film (partly to erase thoughts that the music was actually recorded with the film in mind).

Also, there are many great original scores from start to finish that may not be on this list, because no track elevated itself to a much broader audience the way the ones below do. Many of these can be found on Gunaxin’s Best Original Film Scores Ever article, with some overlap. Gladiator is my all-time favorite, and loved by many, but most of Hans Zimmer’s tracks aren’t exactly recognizable by most people when heard out of context of the film. Now onto the list:


Back to the Future

Back to the Future (Alan Silvestri, 1985)

This brilliant theme sounds like something John Williams would have composed, but fortunately Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis went with Silvestri, who made perhaps the best score of his life. Buy from Amazon

 


Axel F

Beverly Hills Cop (Harold Faltermeyer, 1984)

Faltermeyer was a two-trick pony in the 80s. He’s best known for this track (Eddie Murphy’s personal theme music), and the Top Gun Anthem. These two tracks were so good we thought we had another legendary composer in the making. Unfortunately, more than two decades later, he’s still best known for these two. They’re great, though. Buy from Amazon

 


Instrumentals of “As Time Goes By”

Casablanca (Max Steiner, 1942)

Since 1999, “As Time Goes By” has been used as the opening theme for Warner Bros. films. The first film to adopt this new theme was Lethal Weapon 4. A truncated version of the theme debuted in 2003 as the closing logo for Warner Bros. Television.


Chariots of Fire (aka Titles)

Chariots of Fire (Vangelis, 1981)

Vangelis’s Chariots of Fire is the soundtrack to every slow-motion burst of triumph. The odd thing about it was it used that typical 80’s synthesizer sound for a film based in the 20s. This music, I believe, became more famous than the film itself. Buy from Amazon

 


The Appearance of the Visitors

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (John Williams, 1977)

Here’s a Williams score that, to me, doesn’t rise anywhere near his best, but the music played when the aliens and humans communicate didn’t need to be overly complex to make its point or ingrain itself in our heads. In fact, this is perhaps the only track on this list that the music is vital to the story.
Somewhere in this track is an interpolation of “When You Wish Upon A Star” which wasn’t written by Williams and is best known from Walt Disney’s PinocchioBuy from Amazon

 


Escape/Chase/Saying Goodbye

E.T. ( John Williams, 1982)

Elliot and E.T. go cruising past the moon. Truly one of the most magical movie moments ever. Buy from Amazon

 


Charging Fort Wagner

Glory (James Horner and the Boys Choir of Harlem, 1989)

Certainly some of the best original score battle music ever composed. Buy from Amazon

 


Il Buono, Il Cattivo, Il Brutto (The Good, The Bad And The Ugly) (Main Title)

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (Ennio Morricone, 1966)

Duels are so cool. We need to start having those again. Buy from Amazon

 

L’Estasi Dell’oro (The Ecstasy Of Gold)

Before I even saw the film, I fell in love with this track when I heard it played as a prelude at a Metallica concert.

 

 


“The Raiders March” (a.k.a. “Indiana Jones Theme”)

Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark (John Williams, 1981)

Personally, I prefer the The Temple Of Doom – Parade Of The Slave Children but the main theme is iconic, even in sequels where Indy survives a nuclear blast in a fridge and later encounters aliens. Buy from Amazon

 


James Bond Theme

Dr. No, (Monty Norman, 1962)

For those of you who didn’t know, there is a feud between John Barry and Monty Norman over who wrote this, and the courts credit Norman, who has been collecting royalties on it since 1962. Buy from Amazon

 


Jaws – Theme

Jaws (John Williams, 1975)

Though it won the Oscar, the Jaws score as a whole is only really enjoyable while watching the film (as opposed to playing it on the stereo). But Williams’ two-note shark attack theme has embedded itself into pop culture and won’t soon be forgotten. It’s Williams and Spielberg’s answer to Herrmann and Hitchcock’s murder music in PsychoBuy from Amazon

 


Theme from Jurassic Park

Jurassic Park (John Williams, 1993)

I hear ya saying, “So what I’m learning from this article is that John Williams makes good music. DUHHH!” Well, yeah, he’s got a knack for that just as Spielberg’s got a knack for making HIGH GROSSING FILMS THAT EVERYONE SEES AND RECOGNIZES AND ENJOYS. Buy from Amazon

 


The Kiss

Last of the Mohicans (Trevor Jones, 1992)

I might think this is more well-known than it actually is, but the score is loved and this tune stands above them all. It strikes anyone who hears it. I bet that babies have been conceived with track No. 3 of this soundtrack blaring on the stereo. Buy from Amazon

 


The White Tree (aka Lighting of the Beacons)

Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Howard Shore, 2003)

There is no shortage of superb tracks throughout The Lord of the Rings films, but the most exemplifying is called “The White Tree” on the original score, and “Lighting of the Beacons” on the the complete recordings. Actually, you need to fast-forward on each of those tracks to get to the part where the camera swoops across Middle Earth, from Gonder to Rohan, as Shore’s Middle Earth anthem delights classical music lovers, even those who find J.R.R. Tolkien’s stories to be nonsense.

Or, you can watch it here in HD, with the symphony orchestra playing:


Midnight Cowboy

Midnight Cowboy (John Barry, 1969)

The anthem for all male cowboy prostitutes in New York. Buy from Amazon

 


Promise

The Piano (Michael Nyman, 1993)

I actually became familiar with this track on the Pure Moods CD and realized later that it was from The Piano. Good stuff. Too bad the movie was such fluff. Buy from Amazon

 


Murder

Psycho (Bernard Herrmann, 1960)

Perhaps the biggest no-brainer on the list. The rest of the score is good, too. But I’d say of all the music on this list, this track is perhaps the most important for the enhancement of its scene than any other. Buy from Amazon

 

Pink Panther

Pink Panther, (Henry Mancini 1963)

I’d be willing to bet that more people know this music than have seen the original film. Buy from Amazon

 


Requiem for a Dream (Main Theme)

Requiem for a Dream (Clint Mansell, 2000)

There are many fans of this score, which was overlooked at the Oscars. I’m not particularly moved by it at all, but must acknowledge that its main theme is often played outside of the film, in trailers for other films, and even at sporting events. I heard it about 12 times at a Maryland-James Madison football game a couple of weeks ago. Buy from Amazon

 


Gonna Fly Now

Rocky (Bill Conti, 1976)

I’m sure this sounded great in the 70s but today I find this track to be cheesy. However, I can’t deny its recognition and integration into pop culture. Buy from Amazon

 

Redemption

Rocky II (Bill Conti, 1979)

Conti made another memorable theme for Rocky II, and with songs by Survivor, James Brown and others, the music in most of the Rocky films rockedBuy from Amazon

 


Theme from Shaft

Shaft (Isaac Hayes, 1971)

Gotta admit I’m not sure which particular instrumental track stands above the rest for this film, and technically the Theme from Shaft is a song, but we’ll bend the rules here a bit (as we did earlier with “As Time Goes By”) because most of that song is instrumental and still recognized and enjoyed to this day. Hayes won the Oscar for Best Song and was nominated for Best Original Score. Buy from Amazon

 


Main Title-Rebel Blockade Runner

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (John Williams, 1977)

While the 20th Century Fox theme (Alfred Newman, 1954) is played as a prefix to many Fox films, hearing it for the past 30-plus years triggers our collective anticipation, or even hope, that the Rebel Blockade Runner music is to follow. As for the main Star Wars theme, I believe it will be recognized even hundreds of years from now. Buy from Amazon

Star Wars: The Throne Room-End Title

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (John Williams, 1977)
The beginning of this sounds like a wedding march.

The Imperial March (Darth Vader’s Theme)

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (John Williams, 1980)

The theme song in the Bush White House. Buy from Amazon

Duel of the Fates

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (John Williams, 1999)

As disappointment set in after longtime fans saw this film, we continued to blare what’s nicknamed ‘Darth Maul’s Theme’ on the speakers. Buy from Amazon

 


Superman – Prelude And Main Title March

Superman (John Williams, 1978)

Here’s something to ponder. If Williams switched the Star Wars main theme music for the Superman main theme music, would the world be any different? Buy from Amazon

 


Hymn to the Sea

Titanic (James Horner, 1997)

This is an extraordinarily cheesy soundtrack, with its most memorable sounds anchored by the same riffs of the power-ballad My Heart Will Go On that Horner also wrote. But Titanic is the highest-grossing movie of all time, and Horner ain’t a hack, so I’m presuming that this track, the score’s most downloaded on ITunes (behind Celine Dion’s song, of course) is indeed recognized and enjoyed by many music lovers. If this isn’t the right track, forgive me, I can’t finish listening to it without wanting to puke. Buy from Amazon

An interesting story, from know-it-all Wikipedia:

At first, [director James] Cameron did not want a song sung over the film’s ending credits, but Horner disagreed. Without telling Cameron, he went ahead and wrote the song anyway, and recorded Dion singing it. Cameron changed his mind when Horner presented the song to him. My Heart Will Go On became a worldwide smash hit, going to the top of the music charts around the world. My Heart Will Go On also ended up winning the 1998 Academy Award for Best Original Song as well as the Golden Globe Award for Best Original Song.

 


Top Gun Anthem

Top Gun (Harold Faltermeyer. 1986)

The entire Top Gun soundtrack was great, particularly “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins, but Faltermeyer’s anthem to me is still the theme music that should be played whenever Tom Cruise enters a room. Buy from Amazon

 


Great Pre-Recorded Instrumental Music in Movies

For those of you who don’t know the difference, the music below was originally composed not with the film in mind, but was eventually used in the film. That’s different than a composer making music specifically for the film, with scene-by-scene guidance for each track, as listed above. Some tracks below were written by others, and then re-orchestrated by the film’s composer, thus disqualifying it from being ‘original.’ There are many more examples, but these particular tracks are certainly used extremely well in a feature film.

2001: A Space Odyssey

Duh… duh… duh… DUH DUH… bum bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum bum. Buy from Amazon

 


Amadeus

Amadeus

You rock, Wolfgang Mozart. Buy from Amazon

 


Ride of the Valkyries

Apocalypse Now

When I hear this Wagner music I always think of vikings for some reason. Buy from Amazon

 


Colonel Bogey March

Bridge on the River Kwai

Buy from Amazon

 


Mission Impossible Main Theme

Mission Impossible

The music in the movie was based on the music in the television series.

 

 


The Entertainer

The Sting

 


O Fortuna

Excalibur

 


Dueling Banjos

Deliverance

In my opinion, one of the most fun instrumentals in a movie, ever. The song had been composed in 1955 by Arthur Smith, and he sued for royalties, and won, after the film was released.

 


Love Theme from The Godfather

The Godfather

An observant reader pointed out to me that Nino Rota’s score was removed at the last minute from the list of 1973 Academy Award nominees when it was discovered that he had used the theme in Eduardo De Filippo’s 1958 comedy Fortunella. The melody was the same as the ‘Love Theme from The Godfather,’ and for that reason was deemed ineligible for an Oscar. Despite this, The Godfather Part II won a 1974 Oscar for Best Original Score, although it featured the same love theme that made the 1972 score ineligible. Buy from Amazon

 


Layla (Derek and the Dominos)

Goodfellas

Martin Scorsese used the instrumental part of the Clapton song to enhance this classic scene.

 


Immortal Beloved

You also rock, Beethoven.


Adagio for Strings

Platoon, Samuel Barber


Misirlou

Pulp Fiction

No film score was composed for Pulp Fiction, with Quentin Tarantino instead using an eclectic assortment of surf music, rock and roll, soul, and pop songs. Dick Dale’s rendition of “Misirlou” plays during the opening credits.

 


Star Trek – Main Title

Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Jerry Goldsmith

Another question to ponder. If this music was switched with main theme in Star Wars, would the world be any different?

‘Curb’ Returns!

The last time we saw Larry David on HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” we fell out of our seats laughing as we watched an utterly hilarious montage of Larry living with the Black family, disciplining misbehaving kids, talking loudly in a movie theater, tossing popcorn around, Larry being everything that he once despised. Had the series ended there, at least we wouldn’t have been disappointed with a relatively ‘bad’ episode that so many comedy series have delivered upon departure, Seinfeld included.

Here is what’s vastly different about the seventh season of Curb: The expectations. In each of the previous seasons, we didn’t really know what to expect, other than laughter. It was Larry being Larry, and each season ended with an episode that tied things up nicely, whether it was the opening of a restaurant, Richard Lewis getting a kidney, the opening of The Producers, or pitching a new sitcom. But now, we’ve got the Seinfeld ‘reunion,’ and anything short of David delivering classic comedy this season will be a disappointment.

There are good reasons why there should never be a ‘real’ Seinfeld reunion, even after the relatively ‘bad’ final episode where they all went to prison. So, what I’m assuming will be a shot at delivering a Seinfeld reunion episode on Curb (does anyone actually believe it’ll work out nicely by the season’s end?) sounds like the best way to go about giving longtime fans what they want without actually writing a ‘real’ Seinfeld script and showing it on NBC.

Larry, you rarely disappoint, and when you do, you redeem yourself and more deeply etch your name into the comedy wall of fame. But this season, we’ll be watching enthusiastically, wanting to laugh harder than ever.

Entourage : Worst Season So Far

I’ve been on board with Entourage since Season One, Episode One. I’ve seen every episode three or four times and it’s easily one of the best shows on TV. Then it suddenly dawned on me after this past Sunday’s episode that… nothing interesting has happened this season, and it’s wrapping up soon.

Let’s look at the ‘major’ developments of Season Six:

  • There have been absolutely no subplots of note with Vince. His life is back on track and he gets laid a lot. Oh, that’s right… he may have a stalker and had to hire security.
  • The unbelievable plot of Turtle dating Jamie Lynn-Sigler continues, and now, Turtle is going to school. Turtle was funnier when he was smoking weed and getting rejected by women.
  • Every episode revolves around the Eric-Sloan-Ashley love triangle, and at no point do we feel sorry for Eric that he is torn between two hot girls.
  • Drama had a funny moment when he was auditioning a love interest, then threatened his boss who he thought was trying to bang Jamie Lynn, but that got wrapped up rather quickly.
  • Andrew, Ari’s hire, has the most drama when he cheats on his wife, gets kicked out of the house, acts like an idiot and nearly gets fired. But this character is relatively new, and not at all embraced by long-time Entourage fans, so who really cares?
  • Ari’s biggest moment: He steals Zach Efron from Adam Davies. That rivalry was so much better last season with car races, bags of feces and male stripper pranks.
  • Where is Shawna? She’s hilarious and barely gets any screen time.
  • And then there’s Lloyd. Will he become an agent? Will he leave the Miller-Gold agency and work with Adam Davies? The fate of Lloyd is the cliffhanger of the season? Well, it ain’t over yet, so tune in next week.

Take these notes into account and think about past seasons, when they struggled to make Medellin, when Vince couldn’t get work, when they fired Ari, when Ari started a new agency, when Johnny screwed up in every episode, when Turtle smoked weed and got rejected by girls, when Billy Walsh showed up, when Gary Busey showed up, when Paulie Shore showed up… the list goes on.

Also, I’m fairly certain that, after the death of DJ AM, Entourage is cursed because he’s the fifth on to die after a cameo.