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Iron Maiden Still Rocking the Crowds

Iron Maiden stormed into Bristow, Virginia on Tuesday for the third time in the past six years, and as usual, a large, rabid crowd followed. Times have changed a bit since those earlier concerts. Gone are the lighters in the darkened theater, which have been replaced with the audience holding up cell phone cameras. And we didn’t hear mainly the same songs that made them famous in the 80s – most of the show was focused on the albums from the last decade. When they asked who was attending their first Maiden concert, at least half the fans put their hands up. Not bad for a band that formed in 1975.

Bruce Dickinson, 51, wore a “Psych Ward” T-Shirt and was jumping around the stage like Dwyane Wade with a mic. A different stage-length flag of Maidenesque artwork appeared for each song. A ten-foot Eddie came lumbering out during Iron Maiden. The devil made an appearance during Number of the Beast. The stage was set up like some space-themed fun house.

They opened with Wicker Man, and also from Brave New World played the title track, Ghost of Navigator, and Blood Brothers – which Dickinson dedicated to Ronnie James Dio. With the new album, The Final Frontier, coming out in August, they delighted the crowd with the already released El Dorado. From Dance of Death, they played the title track, Wildest Dreams, and No More Lies. And from A Matter of Life and Death they played The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg and These Colours Don’t Run. Mixed in with the relatively new music, oddly enough, was Wrathchild (1981), a song that was older than more than half the audience. But I’m fairly certain they all recognized Fear of the Dark and Hallowed Be Thy Name, which they played later in the show.

The one odd thing that happened all night was that the closed with Running Free, ten minutes before 11 p.m., and seemed prime to close it off with Run to the Hills. The band left the stage and the lights remained off in the seating area, so most people stayed, cheering for more, but it didn’t happen. No matter. We’ve heard Run to the Hills a million times. But we have not seen a show like that one before.

May Iron Maiden be around for many more years to come.

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A 'Featured' Amazon Merchant

I would like to congratulate myself for getting promoted to a ‘featured’ merchant on Amazon.com. I’m unclear how I did it but I can assume it’s because they think I’m totally awesome and cool and everyone likes me.

Okay, but realistically, I’m guessing I got ‘promoted’ because I sold enough stuff without any demerits and made them tons of cash for doing nothing for a year. What’s weird, though, is that I’m now in the same spot with actual retail merchants who sell things for a living, and not on the side like me.

So check out my Morgul Lord Witch King listing and see my cat and dog (RIP) logo well above everyone else’s. Yeah, obviously they did this cause they think I’m super cool.

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What Next, a Hitler Statue?

I’m a huge fan of Sideshow Collectibles, which makes relatively affordable, high-quality statues of pop-culture figures, but its most recent addition baffles me. It’s a German paratrooper from World War II’s Battle of Crete.

Seriously, a statue of a Nazi? I understand adding evil fictional characters, such as Darth Vader, to your statue collection. Or even real killers that became famous due to folklore, such as Vlad the Impaler or Billy the Kid. But a Nazi? Seriously, too soon.

Sideshow, why would you do this? I still like you too much to abandon you, but I really want an explanation as to why you think it’s appropriate to make a statue of a Nazi. I’d rather throw out $325.

Here’s what you have to say about this:

The Battle of Crete: German Paratrooper Premium Format figure is a stunning 1:4 scale museum quality piece, celebrating the determination and spirit of the soldiers of the Second World War.

…the Battle of Crete: German Paratrooper Premium Format Figure is an outstanding addition to any display, a true tribute to the heroes of World War II.

Celebrating the determination and spirit of the soldiers? A true tribute to heroes?

Am I missing something here? Is this serious?

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Album Review: Korn’s Remember Who You Are

Jonathan Davis used to have a knack for churning out a few popular, radio-friendly songs per album, while filling the rest of the record with raw, weird, demented and torturous sounds that only sound right playing over the speakers of a 19th century British insane asylum (with the occasional rap collaboration). With Korn III: Remember Who You Are, too much of the album contains those other songs that would normally provide padding for classics such as Freak on a Leash and Got the Life. But the best songs on this album fall well short of being the classics that we were hoping for.

The album starts off with the soft instrumental Uber-Time, which is typical of a Korn album but it ain’t a song, meaning we waited three years since Untitled for only ten new tracks. Oildale (Leave Me Alone) does get the album off to a good start, but songs like Fear Is A Place To Live and Lead the Parade you may have to listen to a few times to decide whether or not you like it. In several of these tracks, Korn often starts with a great riff – with perhaps even a decent chorus – but changes courses too often, leaving us in a whirlwind of heavy drumbeats and guitar-shredding strums as Davis makes monkey and lion noises. That’s the route Korn and producer Ross Robinson took this album, which is not for everyone.

The closest song Korn has to a hit on this album is Are You Ready to Live? which was released to the public a couple months before the album came out. And while Are You Ready to Live? isn’t a bad song (unless you find Jon’s crying to be humorous), it would at best be a late addition to a fan’s favorite Korn songs compilation.

For Korn fans who dislike the songs that get radio airplay, you may actually have a lot to like on this album. Jonathan’s voice is as flexible as ever, with his uncanny ability to roar and sing a lullaby in the same verse. This album reminds me of Life Is Peachy, without Twist, Chi, Good God and A.D.I.D.A.S.

For other Korn fans, the album still belongs in the collection, as they have hardly embarrassed themselves with Remember Who You Are. But word of warning: They’re not focused on replicating Thoughtless or Here to Stay. Instead, listen to the album a few times, then add it to the Korn library, and enjoy it only when one of the songs comes up on shuffle mode.

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Mûmakil vs. Imperial Walker. Who Would Win?

There is a sequence in The Empire Strikes Back when the Empire uses gigantic four-legged robot walking machines to attack the Rebel Alliance. In Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, the Dark Lord Sauron uses gigantic, four-legged elephants in the Battle of Pelennor Fields.

The Lord of the Rings was written long before Star Wars, but Star Wars came to the big screen long before Lord of the Rings, so we can sit here and argue over who ripped off who, but that’s no fun. Instead, we’ll take this route: Who would win in a fight: the AT-AT, or the mûmakill? First, the cases for each.

THE MÛMAKIL

The Tolkien Wiki defines the mûmukil this way:

From within the jungle of Far Harad, the mûmak emerged. To most cultures, the mûmakil, or oliphaunts, were creatures of legend, as fabulous and fearsome as dragons, and to them were ascribed all kinds of strange powers. Oliphaunt was another name for them given to them by the Hobbits. Mûmak resemble elephants, except they have four tusks, instead of two.

Here is the video of the attack in Return of the King, which is not embeddable.

Legolas is the hero who takes down a mûmakil (to the theme music from a different movie he’s in).

Analysis of the Mûmakil

Mûmakil Pros: It is mobile and fast, and has four tusks to ram things.

Mûmakil Cons: It is living flesh and therefore can’t take a shot from the AT-AT’s blasters. It gets tired and hungry. It needs to piss and crap a lot. Maybe it can piss on the AT-AT and cause it to malfunction.

THE AT-AT

Wookieepedia defines the Imperial Walker like this:

The All Terrain Armored Transport (AT-AT) walker was a major part of the Galactic Empire’s army. It was one of the most heavily armored land vehicles in the Imperial Army, but was also known for its relatively slow speed.

Here is the sequence in The Empire Strikes Back with the AT-AT, including the scene in which the hero, Luke, takes one down.

Analysis of the AT-AT

AT-AT Pros: It has guns. It’s metal. It doesn’t tire.

AT-AT Cons: It’s electronic and can malfunction. It is relatively slow and can’t make sharp turns.

MÛMAKIL VS. AT-AT FIGHT ANALYSIS

The first thing the AT-AT is going to try to do is shoot the mûmakil, and the battle would be virtually over. However, the mûmakil is quick, and may be able to dodge the blast because the AT-AT telegraphs its intended target with the slow turn of its head. Once the mûmakil jumps to the side of the blast, it’ll charge to the AT-AT’s side and try to knock it over with his tusks. The AT-AT will be walking in circles but the mûmakil will stay to its side and keep ramming it. But IF the AT-AT doesn’t go down, the mûmakil will eventually tire, then the AT-AT can finish it off. But only IF the AT-AT doesn’t go down. So, we ask the question:

Who would win? Mûmakil vs. Imperial Walker

The voting is complete and the AT-AT won by an insane margin. Thank you, Star Wars fanboys, for stuffing the ballot.